terça-feira, maio 09, 2006

Dear God

Dear God,

I've been trying to get in touch with you, but alas, the e-mail address I had doesn't work anymore:

God@paradise.com

That's when my good friend Abraham told me that due to some story involving a girl and an apple, you had decided to bar all communications with mankind but that you could be still be reached through

Iahweh@israel.is

So, as it is, I'm writing because I'd like to have a white boy next time me and my wife decide to have kids, since this one came out too dark again... like that african guy next door. Also, please honor me with more pigs and cows and sheep, because Abraham's kid, Isaac... he's really just a kid and not only has pigs and cows, but he gets to see the priestesses over the temple in private and the rest of us never get more than our usual amount of fat wife. So me and the guys were thinking that all those gorgeous ladies could... y'know... Oh, and Abraham owes me, so please remind him of that.

Yours truthfully,

Job

Reply:

Ok, here we go again...

Listen Job, people don't write here anymore and there's a reason they don't. It's because of demands like yours that I decided to close this account. And then that Moses guy came to me with all this whining "my people are suffering" and stuff like that. Promised me they wouldn't be so damn tiresome, and so I created a new account

Yahweh@canaa.cn

And then you people went at it... again. Whine, whine, whine! So I sent the Babylons after you! And i thought... I thought it was over. I thought you'd shut the heck up! But you didn't! My Son came to me and said: Listen, pops, I'll teach the kids something, you'll see. Well, he got killed and I decided to open a new account to keep up the good work of some of the Apostles

Deus@Roma.it

But after five centuries of mourning over a dead guy I lost my patience and sent the barbarians after you. And when I saw that not even the barbarians could take you and got converted I came to this really nice guy Mohammed and allowed him to be a prophet IF ONLY HE WOULD KICK THE CRAP OUT OF ALL YOU GUYS! Which he obviously couldn't. So, after a while I stopped answering my new mail address

Allah@Mecca_Islam.ar

So there you all are, struggling stupidly amongst yourselves not for a second realizing... I have abandoned you all!

Now you can reach me at Shinto@tokyo.jp or Buda@Deli.india.com

Either you convert and stop whining or I will not reply to any of your requests! Look for spiritual enlightenment. It's good for your health and you'll whine less.

Good Bye

Yours,

GOD

ML

7 comentários:

Carapaus com Chantilly disse...

Best post EVER!
CP

Lilith disse...

You stupid old saddist, I can only reply that you are a coward. It's you who made mankind the way they are.'Cause you were sick and tired of spanking monkeys!?
My friend you made your bed why don't you lay in it? Let me guess, mrs.God is travelling again?!Have you run out of virgins maries?! You are so pathetic! Grow up and stop running you big pussy! Isn't it time for you to came out of the closet?! They say it's better late than never!

carlopsis disse...

ML in is BEST!! ;)

carlopsis disse...

P.S. comentário a pedido do autor!! :P

carlopsis disse...

Só para te dizer ML que agora já tens 5 comentários!! :P

Johnny disse...

Neste momento já são 6... simplesmente brilhante. Mas lembra-te rapaz, "Deus castiga!" (e se não for ele, hão-de ser os desgraçados do partido henriquino...)

Abraço

Anónimo disse...

I agree, excellent post ML! Well... and I don't think that God will punish you... I think he really has a good sense of humor, he must have!